Happy Friday from our last kid free day in paradise! Truth be told, I am dying to get home to Zain and may just have to sneak in his room when we land and give him one hug and hope it doesn’t wake him up.
Today’s post was actually sparked by a question someone on Instagram submitted when I asked for content ideas. I thought it was so interesting and would be a great idea since I guess I haven’t really sat down and thought about it myself.
What kind of parents are we? Is it shaped by our parents? How similar a household did Trevor and I grow up in? How did we decide how to parent?
All valid questions that I think are great to reflect on and of course everyone’s parenting style is constantly evolving but we try to be consistent as much as we can. I would say overall we are fairly strict parents. I am definitely more of a disciplinarian than Trevor but that’s just because he’s too nice and Zain has him wrapped around his finger.
We’re both very Type A people so having Zain on a schedule and things like sleep training were important to us. I think not having some type of schedule makes us both (definitely me) feel out of control and I find it throws Zain off too.
I grew up in a fairly strict somewhat traditional Indian household. I had to concentrate on schoolwork, wasn’t allowed to date (I did I just never told my parents, love you mom and dad!) and didn’t get into a ton of trouble. My dad was definitely the disciplinarian whereas we knew we could get away with more when it came to my mom. I’ve only recently stopped being afraid of my dad…just kidding. Kind of.
I think Trevor grew up in a similarly strict household and was just always a good kid from what I gather. So annoying, right? I considered myself well behaved mostly because I was scared of my father but Trevor was just like that. I hope that Zain turns our exactly like Trevor but so far that little pistol seems to be a bit more like me personality wise so we’re in trouble.
Zain is currently at a weird stage where he’s so aware of everything we say and do but not quite old enough to understand a time out or punishment (from what we’ve read) so we’ve been struggling to figure out what works.
For the most part, I try to reel in my anger and frustration since it’s usually misdirected and get down on his level and calmly talk to him about why we do and don’t do things. Of course, I have lost my cool many times and raised my voice but I don’t like it and it’s not how I want to parent.
A few friends told us to read the No Drama Discipline book so we immediately ordered it and have enjoyed it so far. They are going through so many changes in their tiny brains and bodies each day and I have to take a deep breath and remind myself of that every now and then.
I’m sure as he grows up our parenting styles will change but I have to say this is a trying age. He’s on the verge of full on talking but just isn’t quite able to express himself yet and I know that can frustrate him and us.
Another difference I see in our parenting styles that is most definitely a reflection of how we grew up is is how we show love. This is true for almost any relationship but Trevor and I have very different love languages. Have you all read the book? We read it together when we were engaged and I swear by it. It’s so helpful to know how your partner shows and wants to receive love and rolls over when you have a child.
I grew up in a very affectionate household. I still hug my mom, will lay on the couch with my family, and touching has always been natural and a form of affection. Trevor very much doesn’t show love in that way and that usually means him giving Zain sweet hugs here and there and me completely smothering my child with kisses, hugs and basically any type of cuddle I can sneak in.
Overall, I think we are very much on the same page as far as how we want to raise Zain and just differ on how we execute that. I sure hope we’re doing a good job even though it doesn’t always feel like it.